Mother's Day Gifts!

Last year for Mother's Day, for his grandmother's, I attempted to do a flower pot craft with Seth that was very difficult and did not come out the way I wanted. However, I was able to learn from my mistakes to try and do better this year. This year I am doing another flower pot activity but with clay pots instead of plastic so they will hold the paint better. I painted Seth's hands and had him put one hand at the time around the side of the pot in order to create an image of him cupping it in his hands.

After his hand prints dried I added the words and on the bottom of the pot I used a black Sharpie to write his name and the date. Then I blasted the whole outside of the pot with a finishing spray/sealer to keep it from chipping off.
Meanwhile I also have been working on growing some forget me nots to have in the pots when they are gifted. I am not the best with growing plants, but these are pretty simple flowers so hopefully they will be okay and pretty by Mother's Day since they have time to grow and I will transplant a small amount into each pot. If I can't make the flowers work for me, I will give both his grandmother's the ingredients to try and grow the flowers themselves. :) Along with the flower and the pot they will receive a card with this inscription:

This year for Mother’s Day, I give a gift with two sides.
A flower that will grow with nourishment and care, just as I will grow over the years.
And my hands frozen small in time for you to hold and remember me as I am now.
Through every age and size I will still love you, Happy Mother’s Day!

(PS: I don’t have any pictures of Seth working on this because he did not enjoy it so my hands were busy guiding his. He is still very stubborn when it comes to crafting.)

Think a out others

I try very hard to respect everyones opinions and beliefs. I am typically very good at seeing both sides of an issue and being open minded and empathetic. These are the traits that have served me well at my various jobs. What I feel the need to say isn’t intended to be political, it is intended to be human. Whatever your politics or beliefs happen to be around this pandemic, I would like to ask you to think about something. For the majority of you all of these restrictions are a annoyance, wearing a mask won’t make a difference, and if you get sick you will probably be fine because its just a virus. But for a moment think about it this way: Maine has a significant population of people who are over the age of 65. This group of people are at high risk for severe symptoms from the virus. This population for most of us includes our grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, and possibly siblings. Then think about anyone you know living with a chronic illness. People with diabetes, high blood pressure, any kind of autoimmune condition, any disease affecting organs like heart disease or asthma, cystic fibrosis people fighting cancer, and anything else I didn’t list. All of those people you can list are the people these rules and restrictions are protecting. Because maybe you would have a cough for a week and be fine...but maybe I would be dead a week later. Since there is no way to visually identify everyone who is at higher risk, we have to assume everyone is and act accordingly. Especially knowing that you could be contagious for up to two weeks with no symptoms. I am very happy for everyone whose life is not being impacted in a drastic way. I wish that my life could continue as normal. After all, I have an essential job and should be fine right? Unfortunately, I am in the camp of high risk, I can’t work right now, and I have a horrible and getting worse anxiety every time I have to make an essential trip to a store. What scares me even more is the thought that I might bring it back to the people I love who are also high risk.
So for those of you who are lucky enough to not have to be scared every time you come into contact with other people I am happy for you. But please take a moment to think about those of us who have to be scared and remember who you are protecting.
Thank you for listening.

Pandemic Thoughts

Life has been difficult this past month. Something has happened like never before and my mind has been struggling to cope with the changes. I have found that along with an obvious increase in anxiety (which is most likely causing the other problems) I have also had an increase in sleep disturbances, headaches, fatigue, pain, a lack of motivation on most days, and some cognitive issues which are entirely new for me. Words, writing and reading have always been my strength and refuge but now I find myself struggling to find simple words, having difficulty expressing myself, and not being able to come up with names of people I see all the time. I have also had lapses in memory that are baffling to me. It's terrifying and a scary precursor to the possibilities of advancing age.
Another thing that is new in my life is a lack of ability to work. My doctor asked me to stop working until the peak of the pandemic has passed as I am high risk for complications and for contracting Covid-19 due to my condition and my job in retail. I have been thinking a lot about my friends and family in high risk jobs and how the media and general public are thinking about those people. Here is my humble opinion based on experience.
If you are in a medical field of any kind (nurse, doctor, first responder, dietary aid, housekeeping, etc.) you deserve to be lauded as a hero. You have chosen a difficult profession that often puts you in the line of fire, not just from the current pandemic. You put your health and safety on the line on a regular basis and you are amazing.
If you are in one of the other positions currently being thought of as essential (mainly retail workers and food service providers) while I respect your commitment to doing your jobs, I do not believe you are a hero for it. I believe that you are an unwilling sacrifice that the rest of the country is obviously willing to make. Not only is your life being given less value than others, but you are being expected to continue doing your job for wages that are not enough to allow you to live. I have read several posts about how after this is over people should continue showing you respect for what you have done and should be willing to give you a raise. But that will not happen because I have seen the lack of respect you are getting now outside of politicians lip service. These positions that are considered entry level, unskilled, minimum wage and "not real jobs" are being done by people who are taking the brunt of people's frustration over this entire pandemic when they are simply being told that despite their own fear they have to continue showing up every day and working so the people abusing them can continue to shop.
This country is stuck in a giant abusive relationship between the classes. The people stuck living in poverty, or possibly slightly above if they are lucky, are being abused and controlled by the people who hold all the wealth. It is a power dynamic that we judge people for having in relationships and seek to save the victim, yet the majority of the country is the victim and no one is willing to save to us. The entire system is designed to stop us from saving ourselves. The moment you do well enough to start catching up, they take away your safety net and let you fall back farther than where you started. Then they ask why you need the help and how come you were not successful. Umm...America? This country is no longer the land of opportunity where all your dreams can come true. This country is now the place where it's citizens are choosing death rather than accumulating more debt. A country where we give money to big corporations to help save jobs so that they can lay off most of their workers and horde the money in their executive positions. A country where we watch people die on the street rather than allow people to live in the tons of empty homes that no one can afford to buy. A country where we have to stop watching the news to protect our mental health because nothing good is ever happening. A country most people would leave...if only they could save enough money to have the chance.

Easter Craft

I found a picture of an egg wreath on facebook and decided to modify it into a version I could do with Seth. Materials include poster board, acrylic paints and brushes, hot glue gun, ribbon, painter's tape, and something to put under the workspace. I wrapped half a disposable table cloth from Dollar Tree around his high chair tray and tucked it under the legs to hold it in place. I also used a disposable tray for the paint. Pretty much all the items I use came from Dollar Tree except for the hot glue gun, making this a really inexpensive craft.

I started by printing off templates for the egg shape and the bunny from a simple google search, there are lots of options to choose from. I traced the egg shape onto the poster board and cut out twelve. I also glued the rabbit right onto the poster board and painted it after (please don't judge my art skills). I assumed that Seth would not manage to stay focused to do all twelve eggs himself so I only used the tape to put designs on six of them. To do that simply rip or cut pieces of tape and lay them flat in the design you want and when removed carefully after the paint dries it will leave a white space of your design. Seth's came out pretty good, but not exactly as intended since he did not want to cover his whole surface area on all of the eggs.

I then did simple designs on the remaining eggs to add more color to the wreath. Seth likes to mix his paint colors which tends to create some cool colors, but usually on the darker side rather than bright. I also painted the rabbit for the center of the wreath. Once everything was dry I arranged the eggs alternating between mine and Seth's and hot glued them together forming the wreath around the center bunny. I then attached a ribbon to hang it with and hung up the finished product!

Seth absolutely loves anytime I let him play with paint. Important notes for using acrylic paint with little ones: try to keep it out of their mouths, better to do it naked as clothes will get ruined, and it comes off the skin easily either with a bath or baby wipes.

Short Stop

Alas potty training has come to an end for now. We attempted to restart this morning and Seth was on board choosing his big boy underwear. After three trips to the potty interspersed with two pees on the floor and a flat refusal to sit on the potty, we have accepted that he is not ready and we are still in diaper land. 😕

Happy Birthday, Seth!

Happy birthday to our sweet little boy! It doesn’t seem possible that you are already two. This little boy has a mouth full of teeth, lives Paw Patrol, is learning more words by the day and starting to put on the ending sounds, and is working on potty training. Never forget our little mann that you are safe and you are loved. 💕💕

Potty Training Day 4.5 - Throwing in the Towel

Due to the extreme horror and difficulty of the current day, a time out has been called for potty training.
Yesterday was day three. Yesterday was a bad day all around,  not just for potty training. Yesterday included spitting, throwing, screaming, back talking and very little time on the potty. Carroll and I decided to call it a pass day and start this morning on day four using the training underwear instead of pull-ups. Here’s what I learned today:
Seth has almost all the required skills for potty training. He can pull down his pants, he can tell us when he needs to potty, and he can follow simple directions when he chooses to. Yet we had the morning from hell where it all seemed to go wrong. We start first thing with a trip to the potty and the only time we used the potty today. We talk about our big boy underwear and what will happen if he pees in it as well as what he needs to do. I repeatedly ask him if he needs to potty. Finally it’s almost nap time and we sit on the potty and Seth says he needs to pee. After five minutes of standing up, sitting down, playing with the flusher, and repeat he goes to nap time without peeing. Sure enough a half hour later he has peed his pants and does not like it. I clean him up, sit him on the potty again (still nothing), put fresh underwear on, talk again a out the potty, and put him back in a clean bed for his nap. He then says he has to poop. We repeat the bathroom dance with nothing ending up in the toilet again and Seth going back to bed. The adults do some housework while Seth isn’t underfoot and he is quiet. Twenty minutes later I go check on him and walk into a horrible, smelly scene. He pooped in his big boy underwear, smeared the poop down his legs removing the underwear, and spread the poop around his bed for good measure. After another clean up, involving a shower this time, Seth went back into a diaper for a few days. We decided the frustration level had outweighed the compliance level for the moment.
As a bonus we now know which skills Seth has on board and we will start off on better footing next week. Tor this week though, we surrender to the toddler.

Potty Training Day 1 and a half

Since we are all at home with not much to do (except stay at home) we thought it would be the perfect time for hardcore potty training. We don't have anything going on to interrupt a schedule so we started first thing Monday morning.

Seth definitely had me fooled this time. Day one of potty training went so well I though we had this all tied up and he would be potty trained by dinner. (Not really of course but he was doing great.) We decided to go with a sticker chart which is hung up in the bathroom so he can see all of his stickers and we have a potty seat that attaches to the regular toilet with a step and handles. We also decided to go with pullups during the day and use a diaper at night since we know he won't wake up at night to pee and he usually has a pretty full diaper by morning. We started first thing when he got up and went straight to the potty. Sure enough, his first time on he peed on the potty! We celebrated and put up a sticker. We continued trying to potty about every hours during the day. He did amazing! We had four times he peed in the potty and once he pooped in the potty...on the first day. He had two wet pullups and a poopy pullup, but the odds were good. We celebrated each time and put up stickers.
Then flash forward to day two. We aren't even done yet and I'm ready to pull my hair out. We have only had pee on the potty once today, and it was probably luck more than anything else. We are still going every hour...but Seth just wants to flush the toilet and play on the step. When he does sit on the potty he screams about pee and poop but doesn't do anything but sing and laugh. I think he lulled us into a false sense of security. We are currently focused on trying to get him to tell us when he has to potty before it happens, but we aren't there yet.
Wish us luck! I hope we survive...

The Days the World Stops

Every generation has a day. That single day everyone remembers when everything just stopped. Those days are tied to death, loss and shock. That makes sense when you think about it because when something good happens we don’t stop, we move faster and celebrate. There are limitless examples of world stopping days from before my time. Sometimes one person died, sometimes a few, sometimes many. Once even no one died but the potential for death was so big the world held its breath anyway. A few examples from before my time include: that day in November 1963, the dropping of the atomic bombs in 1945, the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger in 1986, and the attack on Pearl Harbor December 7, 1941. Of course there are thousands more but those jumped to the front of my mind without effort. Then during my life there are several I can think of easily as well. The most impactful world wide was the attack on September 11, 2001. Up to that point that was the most traumatic event I could imagine. In my lifetime all wars have been fought “over there” without the extreme loss of life that had been seen in past wars. (Before anyone gets offended: yes, I know we have been at war constantly; yes, I know many have lost their lives and I am not trying to minimize that sacrifice; I simply mean that wars now rely heavily on diplomacy, economics and threats resulting in less total lives lost as compare to say the world wars or Korea or Vietnam.) The shooting at Columbine in 1999, which now has been followed by countless other school shootings. The Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, a case of domestic terrorism, was shocking to watch on tv as a child. On a local scale, the ice storm in 1998 made most of the state of Maine shut down for weeks. I remember being upset when Bangor closed schools for a month and I only got a day or two in Caribou.
Now, for the first time in Seth’s life, the world has stopped again. This time on a massive scale with risk to everyone’s life in a way I have never seen before.  Some luckily healthy people will remember this time as an annoyance. A time when they couldn’t party, go shopping, and had to change vacation plans. Students will remember missing school, graduation, proms, their friends, and for some their safety and security. Grandparents will remember missing their families and not knowing if they will ever see them again. People like me with chronic illnesses or underlying conditions will remember being scared to go out for necessities and being afraid of crowds of people. We will remember having the security pulled away from us and being replaced by a daily fear of becoming even more sick then we are, especially as we face losing access to our medication. Service workers will remember feeling torn between feeling needed and valued, and feeling like they are being sacrificed to others needs. Healthcare providers will remember doing their jobs like the heros that they are while being undersupplied, under staffed, under appreciated, and worrying about their own safety and that of their families. Teachers will remember being asked to do the impossible, accomplishing it because they are incredibly amazing, and spending every moment of their day worrying about “their kids” because every teacher adopts “their kids.”
Seth will remember very little...because he is only two. But all we will let him remember is that Mommy and Daddy were home more. We played more, spent time outside more, cuddled more and were happy. I am sure this will continue for some time and that is all I want Seth to remember so one day when he is older and something happens to make the world stop, he will know how to get past it. He will remember to hold his family closer, to enjoy the time he has, and to be grateful for what is there instead of focusing on what is lost.

Stay Safe!!!

There have always been diseases and illnesses circulating since time began, but this is the first time during my life that I have seriously been scared. I remember SARS and H1N1, several kinds of flus, anthrax in the mail, and even once in a town near where I lived people were poisoned with arsenic. Though all of those things were scary, I don't remember ever feeling any personal fear. Some I was too young to really understand and others always seemed so far away, even when they affected people I knew. This time the treat seems very real and very personal. We know this virus is going to circulate all over into every community because it is so very contagious and is being spread by people without any symptoms. Not only does it spread quickly and easily, but it is especially dangerous for people at higher risk: the elderly, people with heart and lung diseases, and people who are immune compromised. Luckily they are saying that the virus is relatively mild for children in most cases as long as they are regularly healthy, but I still worry about Seth. To make it even more fun, my partner has asthma and does not breath well regularly and I along with asthma have lupus which puts me in the category of immune compromised. Both of us have jobs that put us into contact with large groups of the public and neither of us and can afford to not work. Even if I choose to follow best practice and stay home myself, Carroll with still bring me any germs he comes into contact with during the day because neither of us will have any income if we do not work. Basically at this point, I have to make the assumption that I will be sick at some point and hope for the best because there is no way for me to avoid it entirely. I feel like a lot of people are being put in the same position of not having the choice of following the advice of staying home. Because if we do stay home...in a month or two we won't have a home to stay in.

Spit it Out!

About six months ago Seth had a major biting problem. We knew that it was a typical stage for littles to go through and we also understood that he was cutting most of his teeth at the time. Not that we enjoyed being bitten, but it made empathy a bit easier. Starting a few weeks ago his new behavior is spitting. It started first with his drinks. He would suck juice (or whatever else he had) into his mouth and then pull the cup back and let the juice run down his front. Then he graduated to directing the liquid onto different surfaces outside his body. Now he has figured out how to do it with just saliva as well. There have been times I have had to change his clothes, wash his bedding, wash the floors, or even give him an unexpected bath. Telling him no, giving consequences and offering alternatives have not made any difference to him. At this point I’m debating having him wear bibs all the time or having him wash the floors when he spits. Either way, he is about to be my little llama. 🙂

Bed Time Troubles

This is what I listened for at least a good half hour before my little angel decided he was ready to lay down quietly. The time it takes him to fall victim to the evil sleep monster seems to be increasing every time he is put to bed. He has regular nap times and bed times so there shouldn’t be a problem. It seems like he knows he is almost two years old and he decided he is now too old for silly things like quiet time and sleep. This morning’s nap didn’t happen until after noon time, and not for lack of trying on my part. I put him down to nap three times this morning starting at his normal 9:30 time (he is up super early in the morning). I listened from the next room as he did baby yoga, gymnastics, delivered several speeches to riotous crowds, and kicked, hit and threw everything within his reach. Then it was time for lunch and a diaper change. An hour later I try his morning nap in the afternoon and he laid down and went to sleep in ten minutes. Most days he would rather nap in the morning. I think pretty soon I will need to teach him to tell time and see if that helps. The best part: he let me know he was awake by fake snoring as loud as he could!

Winter fun!

This winter has had really odd weather, especially for Maine. Winter, as defined by me, is supposed to have temperatures consistently below the freezing point and snow banks high enough to make turning corners difficult. While this has happened about a hundred miles north of us, it did not happen in our part of the state. Instead we had temperatures bouncing between twenty-five and forty on a regular basis, and while we did get snow, we more often got rain and sleet at the same time killing our snow banks. Unfortunately the weather made it really hard for Seth to spend as much time outside as he would have liked the last couple months because it was either raining or too cold most days. He did get to spend time sledding with his cousins a few times and small pockets of time at home to explore the snow before freezing to death. Yesterday we had a beautiful spring day and we decided to take advantage of it and bring Seth outside to make his first snowman! He had a blast, though he had more fun throwing the snow than he did building the snowman. He also ran around the house several times and went on a sled ride with Daddy. Little Man is definitely dealing with some cabin fever so hopefully the fresh air did him some good. After coming back inside we decided to go visit the neighbors who had just gotten home from school. Seth then got to spend even more time outside playing with his friends! He walked around their house, went on a sled ride there, and learned how hard it was to walk in deeper snow. He actually lost a shoe and then got scared when he had trouble climbing up the hill because he was sliding. After spending some time playing inside with his friends and learning a little bit about sharing, we came home and had dinner. After dinner was bath and bed and Seth went right to sleep. I'm sure he was dreaming about snowy days and fun with friends. :)

St. Patrick's Day Crafting

Since little man is starting to become more familiar with tools and really enjoyed his Valentine's craft, I wanted to try and continue his crafting time but also keep it simple because he is only two. For St. Patrick's Day I thought I would do something easy that would work on his fine motor skills. I haven't let him play with crayons yet because he is still going to his mouth with almost everything, but we have to start sometime. For this craft I used poster board to create shamrocks for him to decorate with crayons. I just printed out a simple shamrock print to use as a tracer which you can find anywhere by googling. After cutting out the shamrocks, I used tape on the back to hold them down on the tray for him so he didn't have to worry about them flying around and he could focus on the coloring part. I gave him a variety of green and yellow crayons to work with so he had limited choices and didn't become overwhelmed. Then I just let him go with it while I colored one to model. He stopped to move around several times and then would come right back to keep working.

 A few side notes...try to use the more matte side of the poster board as it will take the crayon better without kind of smearing. I prefer a more high quality crayon like Crayola just because they color smoother without him having to push so hard so he can work on his pincher grip without needing to grind it into the table. If you want to be able to keep the art work forever, I would put the name and date on the back and laminate it. I used duct tape to hold down the poster board and removed it carefully, but masking tape would be better, I just didn't have any. Also as you can see he started with three to color, but he decided to rip one up instead of coloring it. 🙂
I also decided to do a harder project and drew a rainbow with a cloud and a pot of gold. I then disassembled the rainbow and gave Seth a piece at a time with the correct colors and once he was done all the colors I reassembled the rainbow. Since each piece was only one color Seth was not happy because he couldn't’ choose his crayon. I managed to get red, orange and yellow doing it hand iver hand, but after that he was done entirely. Since I wanted to finish it today I did the other three colors in the same style to match. I was impressed he sat to do as much as he did. (I took care of the cloud and pot of gold myself. His attention span is decent for two but isn't limitless and he was done.)

Ow!

"Ow!" is Seth's first reaction now to anything scary, loud or painful...and occasionally the things he thinks he might get in trouble for. This morning he managed to scare himself with a loud noise by pulling a stack of bowls off the counter and smashing two of them. It's the first time he has broken and dishes and he ran to the next room to hide saying, "ow!" After finding him and calming him down, I put him in his chair and made sure that he didn't have any glass on him and then turned to cleaning up. I had to fight the cat for the right to clean the floor, but I managed.

After it was clean I sat down and talked to Seth about it and explained that it was okay for him to have made the mistake, he had never tried to pull down dishes before and all we give him is plastic so he didn't know that they would break. I talked to him about being careful and how the glass could hurt him because it was sharp. Of course I knew to him what he got from the situation is that it scared him so he probably won't do it again for a few days. The funny part was how my reaction was different from Daddy's. I was focused on how he could have been hurt and making sure he was safe. When I told Daddy about it, after I reassured him that no one got hurt, he asked how many broke and then answered with, "well now we don't have to wash those." Every broken dish has a silver lining!

Daredevil!

Allow me to set the stage with some background information. There are three important things to know to understand how entertaining this brilliant photograph really is. (Photo credits to Mimi 🙂)
First we are beginning to potty train and Seth always follows all of us to the bathroom and loudly proclaims that we are peeing while trying to imitate us. At Mimi’s house he has his own potty separate from the regular toilet that he will sit on and “pee”. He does this every time she goes in the bathroom without fail...until this time.
Second, this truck has the utmost devotion in his life. When we get to Mimi’s house he runs to the truck first and then says hi to Mimi. He will spend hours riding it around. He has on occasion lost his truck for short periods due to unsafe usage because he learned he could park it near furniture and stand on it. He has not done this in some time because he really doesn’t want to lose his truck. It is the live of his short life so far after all.
Third, he is running headlong into the “terrible twos” and it is presenting mostly as challenges to us and testing his limits. Most of the time it ends with a time out or a discussion depending on the circumstance. In this case it ended with a lecture, a picture, and lots of laughter.
What happened was Mimi had gone to the bathroom and Seth had not followed. She knew he was focused on his toys so while she was surprised, she wasn’t concerned. All was quiet, no loud noises or screaming to alert her to any catastrophes. Mimi came out of the bathroom several minutes later and Seth was not where she left him. She looked around the room and was presented with this scene:

Mimi was quite surprised as Seth had not put the truck there before and certainly hadn’t climbed up on it there. He also appeared perfectly poised to take off on the road like he had places to go and people to see. The cherry on top is the look on his face which seems to say, “Yeah I’m up here, what are you going to do about it?” 

One thing is for sure, we are never going to get bored!

Sick Baby/ Sick Mommy

My little love bug got sick for the first time ever really. He was acting a little oddly and then vomited everywhere....including all over my mother. The poor little guy was so scared and didn’t know what was going on. I finally got the clothes off him and got him wiped down and then he wouldn’t let me go for the longest time. He had a low fever for a couple days and we had a reeeaaalllllllyyyy long night, but he got better really fast. Flash forward to two days after the vomit and now Mommy is sick. Thanks to the lupus I can’t fight off common illnesses very well so it hit me pretty hard as a head cold with body aches. As an added bonus I had a treadmill stress test that morning which thankfully I managed to complete and then was exhausted. I then spent two days on the couch. What this means is that Seth got lots of extra screen time. I’ve always been of the opinion that less screen time is best. The tv is usually on during the day for background noise but Seth ignores it while he plays. Since I wasn’t able to chase him much, he spent a good part of the day doing stationary activities in his chair and watching some movies. I learned that sometimes you do what you have to do to get by. Seth is no worse off and probably enjoyed his two day vacation!

Sickness

There have been so many illnesses going around that last month or so, and of course there is the corona virus scare going around, and I am incredibly grateful that Seth has been as healthy as he has been his whole life. That being said, we have had to worry about him and make multiple trips to the ER, some turning out fine, some funny, and some sucked.
With myself having lupus, there were several health risks we had to worry about before and immediately following birth. First due to some of my antibodies, Seth was at risk for being born with heart problems. He had a fetal echocardiogram at 20 weeks with my first ultrasound and then I had an ultrasound every month to monitor his heart develop for any changes. Luckily he has a super healthy ticker and it was something that we never needed to deal with any further. The other thing that could have happened is that he could have been born with neonatal lupus since babies are born with their mother's immune system. Boys are at a higher risk for this complication because for reasons unknown boys do not do as well as girls with lupus. Luckily for us he also showed no signs of neonatal lupus at birth or during our time at the hospital. I was told to watch for any rashes at all as that might have showed as a sign of a developing issue, but again we were so very lucky and he made it through scot free.
However, there are issues that come with babyhood and toddlerhood that have nothing to do with my issues. His first ER visit was when he was three weeks old. He got an eye infection, very common with tear ducts still developing. He had no problem at all with me putting the cream in for him and he healed up fine. Too bad that a few days later my eyes were gunked shut. :)
He of course also had a cold or two which nothing can be done for during his first winter. But the fun part I have found is trying to play the game of what is causing the symptoms. For Seth and ear infection and teething symptoms are almost identical. His first ear infection happened to coincide with cutting a tooth but it was fairly mild on both fronts. He had trouble sleeping through the pain but some baby Tylenol and antibiotics got him through both pretty quick. His next ear infection was my first epic fail as a mom. I knew he was cutting a tooth, I could see it and feel it. I attributed his crankiness and slight fever to the tooth as they had done before. When I went to work that day, he was warm but not too high of a fever and obviously cranky but otherwise okay. Carroll called me from work to tell me that he was not doing well and was just laying around and he was on his way to the emergency room with him. I met them there as they were going in. My little baby had a high fever by then (almost 103) and was just miserable. He definitely had an ear infection and started to perk up quickly once the medicine started working. I have never felt so horrible as a mom as I did that day not realizing that something was really wrong and just blaming teething.
The next two trips into the ER were easier. We brought him in one time after he refused to eat for two days and was barely taking fluids. We were worried about dehydration and weren't sure what the issue was. Of course in that instance it was teething making him miserable and not want to eat. Just to make us look bad, he ate an entire popsicle for the nurse while laughing and playing with all the staff there. The last trip was just a couple days ago. Seth was home with Carroll and after taking a bite of a chicken nugget started screaming and holding the side of his face. His crying and whining continued periodically for the rest of the afternoon even though nothing was visible to cause the issue. Carroll gave him some Tylenol and when I got home two hours later he seemed okay but kept pointing to his ear to indicate it was hurting. He isn't cutting any teeth and everything looked okay, but we trusted him and went to have him checked. The official diagnosis was an ear block, he doesn't have an infection, he is perfectly healthy, and he never acted hurt after being checked. I personally believe he just wanted to go flirt with the nurses, but we will never know for sure.

Valentine’s Day

Seth goes everywhere with us. There are very few things we have done in the last two years without him. Valentine’s Day and every holiday has been a family affair and I have loved every minute of it. This year for Valentine’s Day I happened to have a doctor’s appointment and my mom agreed to watch Seth for us to make the appointment easier. Then she went a step farther and offered to watch him through lunch so that my love and I could have a date. We went out to lunch and spent a half hour just being together and it was wonderful. Our life may not be all parties and romance, but it is all about love and we wouldn't’ have it any other way. Find the love and the joy in every day and hold on to it with everything you have.

Finished product!

This was a fairly simple craft for his first project since I wanted him to do most of it. I bought the base sign at Dollar Tree and already had the rest of the items so it was pretty inexpensive. I put acrylic paints in a pallet tray for him and gave him two brushes. I did one small line for him to show him how to use the brush with the paint and then did one line hand over hand with him, after that he took over and did great on his own! After his art dried I hit it with a finishing spray to seal it and keep it protected a bit from possible spills and such that happen around toddlers. I let Seth pick which picture he wanted to use from three options and then I laminated it and used a glue gun to attach it to the back. 

Any paint has a huge potential for mess, and acrylics stain materials very fast. I had him topless since skin cleans easier and I put poster board under his work space to protect those surfaces. Also a tablecloth from Dollar Tree works really well to stop paint splatter.  

First Time Painting

As the smile gives away, I had a very happy boy at his first try of painting. He wasn't sure at first what to make of it, and I was hesitant as he hasn't finished his everything to the mouth stage. After I showed him how to use the brush he was all about the painting! I was right too...he did get it on his fingers and transfer that into his mouth, but he lived. The first paint to hit his skin surprised him and he wasn't too happy about it, but by the end he was painting his face on purpose. He actually threw the longest tantrum I have ever gotten from him when paint time was over. (He was very happy to hear that we have another project lined up for another day.) The finished product is a gift for Daddy for Valentine's Day and I am sure Daddy will love it. 

Bed Time!

One thing every parenting book recommends for bed time is to set a routine and to stick to the same routine every night. At this I have failed spectacularly. Maybe because of our work schedules and maybe because of my own sleep issues. But to beat all of the odds, my son is a great sleeper. He started sleeping through the night at a month old. He would go down by nine and rarely wake up before three-thirty. It was great, but it was also luck. We also co-slept with my son by default. By that I mean we all shared the same room living in my partner's parents' house. Seth went from a rock-n-play beside our bed to a bassinette on the other side of the room. Then when we moved to our own place the nursery was too cold in the winter and so his crib was in our room beside our bed. We then had to move again and were only able to afford a one bedroom house to rent. One very large bedroom seemed like a good choice as we could partition off the far end of the room and create two rooms. The first time we closed the curtain, Seth had a full out panic meltdown over not being able to see us. We decided that it was better to cross that border when he was ready and older. It makes me feel better to be able to see him at night too.
However, because of sharing a room and my personal issues, Seth now is used to having a tv playing to fall asleep at night, he is used to always have a dim light on in the room, and he is used to hearing us talking. Due to my job occasionally requiring me to work late hours, sometimes he is in bed at seven-thirty and sometimes he is in bed at nine-thirty. Sometimes he has a bath before bed, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he has nightmares, sometimes he sleeps through the night entirely. But no matter what, every night, he goes to bed with a hug and a kiss and an, "I love you," from both of his parents. He goes to sleep knowing he is safe and loved. Nothing can be better than that.

We all do our best to give our children what they need ot be happy and healthy...and if they end up being completely neurotic, at least we tried!

Feeding Babies

There is a lot of debate around how people feed their babies. From the time I had my first prenatal appointment until my son turned a year old I answered frequent questions about my choices. Everyone, of course, believes they can tell you the best way to take care of your child. First off, I believe that generally the best person to take care of the baby and understand how to meet their needs is their parent. That being said, as long as your baby is fed and healthy, no one should judge you for how you reach that goal. I have known people who do not breast feed because they are medically unable to, they were not able to produce enough milk, or because they simply chose not to and felt it was not right for them. I know many people who breastfed exclusively, who supplemented with formula, and even one person who donated her breastmilk after losing her child. I know people who stuck to the rules on when to introduce solid foods and how, and others who let their babies try what they wanted when they were safely able.
My son was formula fed because I felt it wasn't fair to him for me to pass more of my defective antibodies along through breastmilk. He was exclusively formula fed until he was four months old and then suddenly he was interested in what we were eating. We started giving him small amounts of baby food so he could have different flavors and textures. We let him lead us and tell us what he was ready for. By a year old he was eating food and still drinking formula. At a year old WIC changes from formula to whole milk and he had no trouble at all with the transition. Over time he switched more and more to food and less on milk. Now he is almost two and he is slightly picky in that he does not enjoy eating meat. I have tried all of the tricks of mixing it with foods he likes and using different textures and flavors. The only meats my little one likes are breakfast sausage, kielbasa, hot dogs and chicken nuggets. On very rare occasion I have tricked him into sloppy joes and tacos, but it only works if he is super hungry. I did not follow the rules, I argued with the nurses pushing me to breastfeed, I ignored the doctor telling me he couldn't have solid foods until he was older and I completely chose to not be hyper focused on possible allergies. As a result my son is healthy, he has been perfect on the growth charts (usually ahead on height), and he is happy and engaged in good eating habits. That child has never met a fruit he didn't love.
The moral of this story is to do your research, listen to the experts, and then trust your instincts. No one knows your baby like you do. Be true to yourself and be the parent your baby needs, everything else will fall into place from there.

Naughty Words

Seth is very blessed to have some older cousins that he gets to spend lots of time with...teenage older cousins. As a result they find humor in teaching Seth to do things that they know he shouldn't be doing. Quite often it looks like encouraging him to say words that are considered "naughty". Currently his favorite of all the words is 'ass'. I am super proud of him for totally nailing the 's' sound as well as pronouncing the ending sound which we have been working on for other words as well. His cousins are just disappointed that they haven't been able to get him to add the 'hole' after it. Either way it got me thinking about how I felt about my young child using naughty words. Perhaps it won’t be a popular opinion, but I’m good with it. As long as he isn’t using words against people, they are words usually used to express anger which I prefer to some of his other choices. So what if he swears when mad? I swear like a sailor and it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I would much rather focus more on him being a good and kind person than focus on his vocabulary choices.
Also, it is the cutest thing ever to hear those words coming from that tiny angelic face.

Lupus

I don't talk about my lupus much, or the difficulties it creates, and it doesn't often come up in conversation. Most often it will come up when I am having a particularly bad day and struggling visibly and someone has the nerve to tell me that I am too young to feel the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, most days I am okay, no symptoms, and no one could ever see anything wrong on the outside. But there are those days when it feels like I got hit by a truck overnight and the only reason I am getting out of the bed is because of the toddler ten feet away screaming that he wants a diaper change and breakfast. Sometimes it's one day, sometimes a few in a row. We have learned that the winters are a million times harder, and now I get to be one of those old people who know when a storm is coming because I hurt more. Adults around me are usually able to understand, at least that I have pain that has no real explanation. But I worry that it will be hard for Seth to understand. Lupus is a progressive disease so I can only assume that it will get worse as he gets older. Right now it shows as days that getting on and up of the floor is hard, days when Mommy has trouble playing, and sometimes days when Mommy is just too tired to do much more than basic care. In the future it may mean that I can't do sporting events, or maybe that I have to spend time in the hospital. This winter is certainly showing to be harder than last winter. My bloodwork shows increases in inflammation and my medication has already been doubled. I know I am lucky to be in the early stages, but it still affects my life on a daily basis. This past week I have had a really hard time. I don't know if it is specifically all being cause by the lupus, but the lupus has to be a factor as it always is. It scares me to know that I am physically able to do less and less over time. I have always had pain since childhood and I have still been able to do what I wanted to do, but now it is getting harder. Constant pain, even when controlled and on a low scale, is still exhausting. Being a mother, even with a really easy child, is exhausting. Working retail is exhausting. I am exhausted.
On the other hand, there is nothing I love more than my job as a mother. My family, my son and my partner, are the reason I get up every morning and continue doing things every day. Maybe my house will never be spotless, maybe my laundry will never get completely done in one day. Maybe there are days when we don't even bother to try to clean. But every single day we have clean clothes, we are fed, and we have love. The rest will happen when it can and until then we already have everything we need.

Poop Again!!

This is what I was greeted with upon waking this morning. Notice the poop on the hands and feet, the diaper hanging on by a thread around the waist, and the pile of poop on the new Paw Patrol blanket in the background. On the floor we have the previously impenetrable zippered footie pajama which Houdini has figured out how to escape from. And this was not a pleasant smelling poop. 💩💩🤢
After an extra load of laundry, some good cleaning and an unexpected shower that Seth enjoyed, the poop is all gone. I believe I now officially have a turdler. 😁💕

Future Fears

I generally try to stay away from politics, but the last two days things have happened on a global scale that are scaring me to death about the future my child and possible future children are going to have to grow up into. As a really quick overview - some protestors attacked the US embassy in Iraq, so in retaliation (or as he stated, “to prevent a war”) Trump ordered the assassination of a high ranking Iranian official and a militia leader. Iran logically responded with anger claiming they would retaliate. Trump in his infinite wisdom used twitter to issue a threat against 52 Iranian targets including targets of cultural significance. To me this sounded like a declaration of war as well as proof that Trump is more than willing to commit war crimes. I am horrified at the possibility of my child(ren) might have to grow up during WWIII. I know they would not have ever grown up in a time of complete peace, but this seems like it is going to be such a large scale conflict that no one will be safe. I don’t know how I will explain this moment in the future, but this is the moment that my heart broke for the future.

Hospital time

As I mentioned before in a previous post, my partner has been having some serious health issues that have led us into and out of hospitals quite often in the last several months. One of the hardest challenges we have faces is knowing when and if we should have Seth at the hospital with us. We typically bring Seth with us everywhere we go, whether to events, restaurants or shopping, he has always done fine. Some places we have chosen not to bring him due to the appropriateness and we do take some time for ourselves on rare occasion as well. However, the hospital is not a typical setting for an infant or toddler to hang out when not necessary. There is the risk of coming into contact with a contagious disease, being exposed to behaviors that are not pleasant, and the overall task of being stuck in a tiny room with tons of things you aren't allowed to touch. We have often had to find a compromise somewhere in the middle based on the availability of child care and the reason for the hospital visit. Over the last year I have learned a few tricks for these situations.
1) Bring lots of different snacks. You are probably not going to be leaving for some time and it will probably overlap with meal times. Especially if you have a picky eater you will want lots of choices. Snacks will help take care of crankiness from being hungry as well as provide a distraction or a bribe. Don't forget to bring drinks as well.
2) Books and quiet toys. Again a variety of options will help with distraction to fill the time and keep little ones from getting bored and into mischief. Keeping in mind that most hospitals will want things to remain on as quiet a volume as possible, probably not good to bring the loudest and most fun toys.
3) Electronic devices. Sometimes a well placed video or age appropriate game on a tablet can be a lifesaver when you are trying to focus on a doctor around a screaming toddler. Everyone has their own opinions on screen time usage for kids, and I don't pretend to be an expert in the field or to give expert advice. What I do know is from experience and in an already stressful situation, sometimes it is best to use whatever options you have to avoid going crazy.
4) Movement. Keeping in mind all of the possible things that could happen in an Emergency Room situation and any rules the hospital has around being in the halls, a change of scenery is always helpful. My little guy will walk the halls up and down for hours instead of being in one small room. This doesn't always work depending on the circumstance, but it has usually been an option for us. I also often bring Seth outside if it is easy to go in and out. I know some hospitals have a higher level of security that would make that more difficult.
It is never an easy situation having a small child in a hospital and I wouldn't wish it for anyone. But being prepared for it can help make it a little easier.

Poop!

One thing about toddlers I have learned is that you are going to have to deal with poop in a fairly regular basis. Yesterday was a fun one. At my partner’s mother’s house Seth has a playpen that he sleeps in. He is totally capable of getting out of it if he wants to, but is typically content to spend some quiet time in it or take a nap. Yesterday he asked to get into his playpen for quiet time and all was well. When I went to get him for dinner about a half hour later I was meant by a very strong smell at the door. Two steps in, I spotted the diaper on the floor with the poop tower on top of (not inside where it belongs) it, and got a really bad feeling. Sure enough turning on the light revealed a toddler and playpen both very much smeared by poop. After an impromptu bath and cleaning session, Seth got to enjoy his peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. So all is well that ends well I suppose.
Now for some backstory. This was not the first time he has removed his own poopy diaper. Since we know that this is a possibility, we have been trying to make sure he is dressed in onesies that snap at the crotch since this has been a barrier for him. Yesterday our little Houdini somehow passed that barrier and managed to remove the diaper and all of the poop without having to undo the snaps. We have also been working with him on telling us when he poops, which he is capable of, but chooses to only do on occasion. And if you remember he is perfectly able to get out of the playpen on his own to come tell us if he wanted to. Basically, my little man was just enjoying the poop storm he created, and he wasn’t too happy with me for cleaning it up either.

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone has a very happy, healthy and safe new year started!

This year my family is going through several changes all at once. First our little dude is blasting into his toddlerhood at about 30,000 miles per hour. We have entered the world of tantrums, meltdowns, independence and exploration at full tilt. While it is amazing to watch him learn and grow, it also scares the crap out of me most of the time. One of the plans for this blog, while exploring the joys of motherhood, is also to be a resource for other homeschooling moms. In the coming years I will be posting units and activities I will create for different areas of education, finally putting my teaching degree to good use! One of the things that draws me towards homeschooling is the room for creativity it provides and the ability to create lessons around what the child is already interested in rather than a premade curriculum designed for thousands of children to follow simply because they are the same age. I intend to start soon with early childhood/head start type activities. I am hoping to begin sensory bins soon, but my little guy is cutting his last incisors now and everything is going in the mouth.
My world has changed a bit as my work situation has changed. After my son was born I changed jobs to be able to be home more when I realized he had no connection to me anymore because I was gone so much. For a little over a year I worked as a BHP with children and family in their homes and in the community. It was a wonderful job that I enjoyed, but of course life happens. I have difficulty driving sometimes in the Maine winters due to my anxiety and I was trying to figure out how to change positions before winter when my partner's care caught fire randomly. We were not going to be able to afford another car and his job is mostly driving so he has to have a vehicle. I switched my focus to working as a cashier at a store close to home and he took over my vehicle to continue working. Working less hours and being home more does actually save some money to offset what I'm not earning as well as only keeping one vehicle running. As an added bonus, I am home with Seth for the most part and of course I will need that time for homeschooling as well as our next adventure of potty training.
Lastly, my partner has been dealing with some serious health issues that have been difficult and scary for us as a family. I'll spare the details but for the last few months he has been in and out of hospitals with heart attack symptoms while being consistently told there was nothing wrong with his heart and they weren't sure what was causing them, "but if it happens again come back." Finally we seem to be getting closer to an answer having to do with a hiatal hernia that he has as well as possibly some issues with his gallbladder.
My hope for this year for my family is health and happiness.

Giving Birth...I think...

I had a plan while I was pregnant of how I expected the birthing process to go. Of course it didn't happen the way I thought, because it almost never goes to plan. I think that is the first great lesson of motherhood - it isn't up to you anymore. Suddenly a tiny human's personality, plans and timetable overrule yours. In my case, I was fully prepared for a vaginal birth. I was excited to go through labor and experience the whole process. Then at 32 weeks I had an ultrasound where they told me that my baby (already on the larger side) was settling into a very nice and comfy breech position. I was told that I had less than a month to decide if I wanted to try a technique to manually turn the baby or if I would have a cesarean. After much conversation with my partner and lots of research, we decided that attempting to manually turn the baby came with too much risk to him. That left me with a few weeks to mourn the plan I had and accept the trauma of an unplanned surgery. While I was lucky to know ahead of time and not require an emergency surgery, I still felt the panic and the loss that comes with your body not doing what it is supposed to be built to do naturally. Your first test of motherhood is to be able to carry and birth the baby successfully and I felt that I had already failed somehow. Wasn't my body supposed to make this work? Hadn't we evolved after all this time to solve this problem without surgery? Of course not, because my baby was super stubborn from the moment of conception, that's how he was able to survive. Seth was born healthy, big and strong by C-section. I do not regret the trauma done to my body in the surgery because it was necessary for him. However, I do regret not having the chance to mourn the loss of the birth I wanted and the time to recover. From the moment I was coherent I was being told that I should be happy that he was healthy and not worry about anything else. Any struggle or unhappiness that I let show was met with anger or dismissal by those around me. What was a beautiful miracle was, for me, also a huge trauma that went unacknowledged until I broke down in a doctor's office two weeks later. (An appointment which I made for myself knowing I needed help. None of the well baby checks or post partem care that far had caught the fact that I was drowning.) Over time I have been able to come to terms with what happened and am in a much better place as far as my mental health is concerned. Though I still often feel that loss again when I see articles about childbirth, or watch videos online. Especially when I read about how women who have cesareans don't actually "give birth." I mean, that's true...I didn't "give" birth. I had a human being forcibly cut and ripped out of my body while I was unable to move on a hard table in a room that was too cold and too bright scared out of my mind. Then once he was out of me, I could still feel them pushing and pulling, but I was not able to see my baby. When you have a cesarean they lift the baby for half a second and then it is taken away to the other side of the room and surrounded by NICU nurses and doctors assessing the baby. If nothing is wrong then you get to see your child...after about ten minutes of panicking because he is right there and you can't see him or reach him after having him inside your body for nine months. I can't even imagine how it would feel if his temperature was too low and instead of bringing him to me they brought him to the NICU. I refused skin to skin because I was scared that if he was too cold they would take him away from me so I asked the nurse to wrap him in a blanket right away. Then of course I had to give him back to a nurse anyway as I had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, began vomiting with my newly torn up stomach (still can't move on my own), and my temperature plummeted. Later I could only hold him for minutes at a time because due to the blood loss and my reaction to the anesthetic I was too weak to stay awake for more than twenty minutes at time. Eventually I healed of course and things got better, and I got to hold my baby. :)

There are two important things that I take away from my birth experience. 1) It doesn't matter how your birth plan goes or how you bring your baby into this world - you are a Rockstar! It is not easy to carry and birth a small human being. It's painful and gross and kills your body and you should be thrown a party for getting through it!

2) There is absolutely no good reason to have no post partem appointment for six weeks after giving birth. Just when you need the support the most, it's gone. If you are about to have a baby, I would encourage you to try and get a sooner appointment with your OB, or even with your primary, anyone who can offer support or encouragement. And if you have any kind of a mental health history - expect to need some help. I was under the impression that I had learned all the coping skills I needed, and I was very, very wrong. It doesn't have to be extreme symptoms, you don't have to have thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby to need help. I would encourage you to reach out if anything feels wrong. Even if you think you are okay, reach out. No doctor should dismiss your concerns, even if all you need is reassurance. The biggest lesson I learned is that I cannot take care of the baby that depends on me for everything, unless I remember to take care of myself a little bit too.