Pandemic Thoughts

Life has been difficult this past month. Something has happened like never before and my mind has been struggling to cope with the changes. I have found that along with an obvious increase in anxiety (which is most likely causing the other problems) I have also had an increase in sleep disturbances, headaches, fatigue, pain, a lack of motivation on most days, and some cognitive issues which are entirely new for me. Words, writing and reading have always been my strength and refuge but now I find myself struggling to find simple words, having difficulty expressing myself, and not being able to come up with names of people I see all the time. I have also had lapses in memory that are baffling to me. It's terrifying and a scary precursor to the possibilities of advancing age.
Another thing that is new in my life is a lack of ability to work. My doctor asked me to stop working until the peak of the pandemic has passed as I am high risk for complications and for contracting Covid-19 due to my condition and my job in retail. I have been thinking a lot about my friends and family in high risk jobs and how the media and general public are thinking about those people. Here is my humble opinion based on experience.
If you are in a medical field of any kind (nurse, doctor, first responder, dietary aid, housekeeping, etc.) you deserve to be lauded as a hero. You have chosen a difficult profession that often puts you in the line of fire, not just from the current pandemic. You put your health and safety on the line on a regular basis and you are amazing.
If you are in one of the other positions currently being thought of as essential (mainly retail workers and food service providers) while I respect your commitment to doing your jobs, I do not believe you are a hero for it. I believe that you are an unwilling sacrifice that the rest of the country is obviously willing to make. Not only is your life being given less value than others, but you are being expected to continue doing your job for wages that are not enough to allow you to live. I have read several posts about how after this is over people should continue showing you respect for what you have done and should be willing to give you a raise. But that will not happen because I have seen the lack of respect you are getting now outside of politicians lip service. These positions that are considered entry level, unskilled, minimum wage and "not real jobs" are being done by people who are taking the brunt of people's frustration over this entire pandemic when they are simply being told that despite their own fear they have to continue showing up every day and working so the people abusing them can continue to shop.
This country is stuck in a giant abusive relationship between the classes. The people stuck living in poverty, or possibly slightly above if they are lucky, are being abused and controlled by the people who hold all the wealth. It is a power dynamic that we judge people for having in relationships and seek to save the victim, yet the majority of the country is the victim and no one is willing to save to us. The entire system is designed to stop us from saving ourselves. The moment you do well enough to start catching up, they take away your safety net and let you fall back farther than where you started. Then they ask why you need the help and how come you were not successful. Umm...America? This country is no longer the land of opportunity where all your dreams can come true. This country is now the place where it's citizens are choosing death rather than accumulating more debt. A country where we give money to big corporations to help save jobs so that they can lay off most of their workers and horde the money in their executive positions. A country where we watch people die on the street rather than allow people to live in the tons of empty homes that no one can afford to buy. A country where we have to stop watching the news to protect our mental health because nothing good is ever happening. A country most people would leave...if only they could save enough money to have the chance.