Feeding Babies

There is a lot of debate around how people feed their babies. From the time I had my first prenatal appointment until my son turned a year old I answered frequent questions about my choices. Everyone, of course, believes they can tell you the best way to take care of your child. First off, I believe that generally the best person to take care of the baby and understand how to meet their needs is their parent. That being said, as long as your baby is fed and healthy, no one should judge you for how you reach that goal. I have known people who do not breast feed because they are medically unable to, they were not able to produce enough milk, or because they simply chose not to and felt it was not right for them. I know many people who breastfed exclusively, who supplemented with formula, and even one person who donated her breastmilk after losing her child. I know people who stuck to the rules on when to introduce solid foods and how, and others who let their babies try what they wanted when they were safely able.
My son was formula fed because I felt it wasn't fair to him for me to pass more of my defective antibodies along through breastmilk. He was exclusively formula fed until he was four months old and then suddenly he was interested in what we were eating. We started giving him small amounts of baby food so he could have different flavors and textures. We let him lead us and tell us what he was ready for. By a year old he was eating food and still drinking formula. At a year old WIC changes from formula to whole milk and he had no trouble at all with the transition. Over time he switched more and more to food and less on milk. Now he is almost two and he is slightly picky in that he does not enjoy eating meat. I have tried all of the tricks of mixing it with foods he likes and using different textures and flavors. The only meats my little one likes are breakfast sausage, kielbasa, hot dogs and chicken nuggets. On very rare occasion I have tricked him into sloppy joes and tacos, but it only works if he is super hungry. I did not follow the rules, I argued with the nurses pushing me to breastfeed, I ignored the doctor telling me he couldn't have solid foods until he was older and I completely chose to not be hyper focused on possible allergies. As a result my son is healthy, he has been perfect on the growth charts (usually ahead on height), and he is happy and engaged in good eating habits. That child has never met a fruit he didn't love.
The moral of this story is to do your research, listen to the experts, and then trust your instincts. No one knows your baby like you do. Be true to yourself and be the parent your baby needs, everything else will fall into place from there.

Naughty Words

Seth is very blessed to have some older cousins that he gets to spend lots of time with...teenage older cousins. As a result they find humor in teaching Seth to do things that they know he shouldn't be doing. Quite often it looks like encouraging him to say words that are considered "naughty". Currently his favorite of all the words is 'ass'. I am super proud of him for totally nailing the 's' sound as well as pronouncing the ending sound which we have been working on for other words as well. His cousins are just disappointed that they haven't been able to get him to add the 'hole' after it. Either way it got me thinking about how I felt about my young child using naughty words. Perhaps it won’t be a popular opinion, but I’m good with it. As long as he isn’t using words against people, they are words usually used to express anger which I prefer to some of his other choices. So what if he swears when mad? I swear like a sailor and it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I would much rather focus more on him being a good and kind person than focus on his vocabulary choices.
Also, it is the cutest thing ever to hear those words coming from that tiny angelic face.

Lupus

I don't talk about my lupus much, or the difficulties it creates, and it doesn't often come up in conversation. Most often it will come up when I am having a particularly bad day and struggling visibly and someone has the nerve to tell me that I am too young to feel the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, most days I am okay, no symptoms, and no one could ever see anything wrong on the outside. But there are those days when it feels like I got hit by a truck overnight and the only reason I am getting out of the bed is because of the toddler ten feet away screaming that he wants a diaper change and breakfast. Sometimes it's one day, sometimes a few in a row. We have learned that the winters are a million times harder, and now I get to be one of those old people who know when a storm is coming because I hurt more. Adults around me are usually able to understand, at least that I have pain that has no real explanation. But I worry that it will be hard for Seth to understand. Lupus is a progressive disease so I can only assume that it will get worse as he gets older. Right now it shows as days that getting on and up of the floor is hard, days when Mommy has trouble playing, and sometimes days when Mommy is just too tired to do much more than basic care. In the future it may mean that I can't do sporting events, or maybe that I have to spend time in the hospital. This winter is certainly showing to be harder than last winter. My bloodwork shows increases in inflammation and my medication has already been doubled. I know I am lucky to be in the early stages, but it still affects my life on a daily basis. This past week I have had a really hard time. I don't know if it is specifically all being cause by the lupus, but the lupus has to be a factor as it always is. It scares me to know that I am physically able to do less and less over time. I have always had pain since childhood and I have still been able to do what I wanted to do, but now it is getting harder. Constant pain, even when controlled and on a low scale, is still exhausting. Being a mother, even with a really easy child, is exhausting. Working retail is exhausting. I am exhausted.
On the other hand, there is nothing I love more than my job as a mother. My family, my son and my partner, are the reason I get up every morning and continue doing things every day. Maybe my house will never be spotless, maybe my laundry will never get completely done in one day. Maybe there are days when we don't even bother to try to clean. But every single day we have clean clothes, we are fed, and we have love. The rest will happen when it can and until then we already have everything we need.

Poop Again!!

This is what I was greeted with upon waking this morning. Notice the poop on the hands and feet, the diaper hanging on by a thread around the waist, and the pile of poop on the new Paw Patrol blanket in the background. On the floor we have the previously impenetrable zippered footie pajama which Houdini has figured out how to escape from. And this was not a pleasant smelling poop. 💩💩🤢
After an extra load of laundry, some good cleaning and an unexpected shower that Seth enjoyed, the poop is all gone. I believe I now officially have a turdler. 😁💕

Future Fears

I generally try to stay away from politics, but the last two days things have happened on a global scale that are scaring me to death about the future my child and possible future children are going to have to grow up into. As a really quick overview - some protestors attacked the US embassy in Iraq, so in retaliation (or as he stated, “to prevent a war”) Trump ordered the assassination of a high ranking Iranian official and a militia leader. Iran logically responded with anger claiming they would retaliate. Trump in his infinite wisdom used twitter to issue a threat against 52 Iranian targets including targets of cultural significance. To me this sounded like a declaration of war as well as proof that Trump is more than willing to commit war crimes. I am horrified at the possibility of my child(ren) might have to grow up during WWIII. I know they would not have ever grown up in a time of complete peace, but this seems like it is going to be such a large scale conflict that no one will be safe. I don’t know how I will explain this moment in the future, but this is the moment that my heart broke for the future.

Hospital time

As I mentioned before in a previous post, my partner has been having some serious health issues that have led us into and out of hospitals quite often in the last several months. One of the hardest challenges we have faces is knowing when and if we should have Seth at the hospital with us. We typically bring Seth with us everywhere we go, whether to events, restaurants or shopping, he has always done fine. Some places we have chosen not to bring him due to the appropriateness and we do take some time for ourselves on rare occasion as well. However, the hospital is not a typical setting for an infant or toddler to hang out when not necessary. There is the risk of coming into contact with a contagious disease, being exposed to behaviors that are not pleasant, and the overall task of being stuck in a tiny room with tons of things you aren't allowed to touch. We have often had to find a compromise somewhere in the middle based on the availability of child care and the reason for the hospital visit. Over the last year I have learned a few tricks for these situations.
1) Bring lots of different snacks. You are probably not going to be leaving for some time and it will probably overlap with meal times. Especially if you have a picky eater you will want lots of choices. Snacks will help take care of crankiness from being hungry as well as provide a distraction or a bribe. Don't forget to bring drinks as well.
2) Books and quiet toys. Again a variety of options will help with distraction to fill the time and keep little ones from getting bored and into mischief. Keeping in mind that most hospitals will want things to remain on as quiet a volume as possible, probably not good to bring the loudest and most fun toys.
3) Electronic devices. Sometimes a well placed video or age appropriate game on a tablet can be a lifesaver when you are trying to focus on a doctor around a screaming toddler. Everyone has their own opinions on screen time usage for kids, and I don't pretend to be an expert in the field or to give expert advice. What I do know is from experience and in an already stressful situation, sometimes it is best to use whatever options you have to avoid going crazy.
4) Movement. Keeping in mind all of the possible things that could happen in an Emergency Room situation and any rules the hospital has around being in the halls, a change of scenery is always helpful. My little guy will walk the halls up and down for hours instead of being in one small room. This doesn't always work depending on the circumstance, but it has usually been an option for us. I also often bring Seth outside if it is easy to go in and out. I know some hospitals have a higher level of security that would make that more difficult.
It is never an easy situation having a small child in a hospital and I wouldn't wish it for anyone. But being prepared for it can help make it a little easier.

Poop!

One thing about toddlers I have learned is that you are going to have to deal with poop in a fairly regular basis. Yesterday was a fun one. At my partner’s mother’s house Seth has a playpen that he sleeps in. He is totally capable of getting out of it if he wants to, but is typically content to spend some quiet time in it or take a nap. Yesterday he asked to get into his playpen for quiet time and all was well. When I went to get him for dinner about a half hour later I was meant by a very strong smell at the door. Two steps in, I spotted the diaper on the floor with the poop tower on top of (not inside where it belongs) it, and got a really bad feeling. Sure enough turning on the light revealed a toddler and playpen both very much smeared by poop. After an impromptu bath and cleaning session, Seth got to enjoy his peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. So all is well that ends well I suppose.
Now for some backstory. This was not the first time he has removed his own poopy diaper. Since we know that this is a possibility, we have been trying to make sure he is dressed in onesies that snap at the crotch since this has been a barrier for him. Yesterday our little Houdini somehow passed that barrier and managed to remove the diaper and all of the poop without having to undo the snaps. We have also been working with him on telling us when he poops, which he is capable of, but chooses to only do on occasion. And if you remember he is perfectly able to get out of the playpen on his own to come tell us if he wanted to. Basically, my little man was just enjoying the poop storm he created, and he wasn’t too happy with me for cleaning it up either.

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone has a very happy, healthy and safe new year started!

This year my family is going through several changes all at once. First our little dude is blasting into his toddlerhood at about 30,000 miles per hour. We have entered the world of tantrums, meltdowns, independence and exploration at full tilt. While it is amazing to watch him learn and grow, it also scares the crap out of me most of the time. One of the plans for this blog, while exploring the joys of motherhood, is also to be a resource for other homeschooling moms. In the coming years I will be posting units and activities I will create for different areas of education, finally putting my teaching degree to good use! One of the things that draws me towards homeschooling is the room for creativity it provides and the ability to create lessons around what the child is already interested in rather than a premade curriculum designed for thousands of children to follow simply because they are the same age. I intend to start soon with early childhood/head start type activities. I am hoping to begin sensory bins soon, but my little guy is cutting his last incisors now and everything is going in the mouth.
My world has changed a bit as my work situation has changed. After my son was born I changed jobs to be able to be home more when I realized he had no connection to me anymore because I was gone so much. For a little over a year I worked as a BHP with children and family in their homes and in the community. It was a wonderful job that I enjoyed, but of course life happens. I have difficulty driving sometimes in the Maine winters due to my anxiety and I was trying to figure out how to change positions before winter when my partner's care caught fire randomly. We were not going to be able to afford another car and his job is mostly driving so he has to have a vehicle. I switched my focus to working as a cashier at a store close to home and he took over my vehicle to continue working. Working less hours and being home more does actually save some money to offset what I'm not earning as well as only keeping one vehicle running. As an added bonus, I am home with Seth for the most part and of course I will need that time for homeschooling as well as our next adventure of potty training.
Lastly, my partner has been dealing with some serious health issues that have been difficult and scary for us as a family. I'll spare the details but for the last few months he has been in and out of hospitals with heart attack symptoms while being consistently told there was nothing wrong with his heart and they weren't sure what was causing them, "but if it happens again come back." Finally we seem to be getting closer to an answer having to do with a hiatal hernia that he has as well as possibly some issues with his gallbladder.
My hope for this year for my family is health and happiness.

Giving Birth...I think...

I had a plan while I was pregnant of how I expected the birthing process to go. Of course it didn't happen the way I thought, because it almost never goes to plan. I think that is the first great lesson of motherhood - it isn't up to you anymore. Suddenly a tiny human's personality, plans and timetable overrule yours. In my case, I was fully prepared for a vaginal birth. I was excited to go through labor and experience the whole process. Then at 32 weeks I had an ultrasound where they told me that my baby (already on the larger side) was settling into a very nice and comfy breech position. I was told that I had less than a month to decide if I wanted to try a technique to manually turn the baby or if I would have a cesarean. After much conversation with my partner and lots of research, we decided that attempting to manually turn the baby came with too much risk to him. That left me with a few weeks to mourn the plan I had and accept the trauma of an unplanned surgery. While I was lucky to know ahead of time and not require an emergency surgery, I still felt the panic and the loss that comes with your body not doing what it is supposed to be built to do naturally. Your first test of motherhood is to be able to carry and birth the baby successfully and I felt that I had already failed somehow. Wasn't my body supposed to make this work? Hadn't we evolved after all this time to solve this problem without surgery? Of course not, because my baby was super stubborn from the moment of conception, that's how he was able to survive. Seth was born healthy, big and strong by C-section. I do not regret the trauma done to my body in the surgery because it was necessary for him. However, I do regret not having the chance to mourn the loss of the birth I wanted and the time to recover. From the moment I was coherent I was being told that I should be happy that he was healthy and not worry about anything else. Any struggle or unhappiness that I let show was met with anger or dismissal by those around me. What was a beautiful miracle was, for me, also a huge trauma that went unacknowledged until I broke down in a doctor's office two weeks later. (An appointment which I made for myself knowing I needed help. None of the well baby checks or post partem care that far had caught the fact that I was drowning.) Over time I have been able to come to terms with what happened and am in a much better place as far as my mental health is concerned. Though I still often feel that loss again when I see articles about childbirth, or watch videos online. Especially when I read about how women who have cesareans don't actually "give birth." I mean, that's true...I didn't "give" birth. I had a human being forcibly cut and ripped out of my body while I was unable to move on a hard table in a room that was too cold and too bright scared out of my mind. Then once he was out of me, I could still feel them pushing and pulling, but I was not able to see my baby. When you have a cesarean they lift the baby for half a second and then it is taken away to the other side of the room and surrounded by NICU nurses and doctors assessing the baby. If nothing is wrong then you get to see your child...after about ten minutes of panicking because he is right there and you can't see him or reach him after having him inside your body for nine months. I can't even imagine how it would feel if his temperature was too low and instead of bringing him to me they brought him to the NICU. I refused skin to skin because I was scared that if he was too cold they would take him away from me so I asked the nurse to wrap him in a blanket right away. Then of course I had to give him back to a nurse anyway as I had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, began vomiting with my newly torn up stomach (still can't move on my own), and my temperature plummeted. Later I could only hold him for minutes at a time because due to the blood loss and my reaction to the anesthetic I was too weak to stay awake for more than twenty minutes at time. Eventually I healed of course and things got better, and I got to hold my baby. :)

There are two important things that I take away from my birth experience. 1) It doesn't matter how your birth plan goes or how you bring your baby into this world - you are a Rockstar! It is not easy to carry and birth a small human being. It's painful and gross and kills your body and you should be thrown a party for getting through it!

2) There is absolutely no good reason to have no post partem appointment for six weeks after giving birth. Just when you need the support the most, it's gone. If you are about to have a baby, I would encourage you to try and get a sooner appointment with your OB, or even with your primary, anyone who can offer support or encouragement. And if you have any kind of a mental health history - expect to need some help. I was under the impression that I had learned all the coping skills I needed, and I was very, very wrong. It doesn't have to be extreme symptoms, you don't have to have thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby to need help. I would encourage you to reach out if anything feels wrong. Even if you think you are okay, reach out. No doctor should dismiss your concerns, even if all you need is reassurance. The biggest lesson I learned is that I cannot take care of the baby that depends on me for everything, unless I remember to take care of myself a little bit too.